Updated: 04/02/2023
When a woman has abandonment issues, she may feel like she’s not loved or valued. She may also feel like she doesn’t fit in and that no one will ever want her. This can lead to a feeling of loneliness and isolation. Abandonment issues can be caused by events in a woman’s life, such as being raised by a single parent or growing up in an environment where love was not abundant. Understanding a woman with abandonment issues can be a real challenge for most people.
Since abandonment is such a powerful and emotional experience, it can leave a lasting impression on someone. For some individuals who have experienced abandonment, it can be difficult to form healthy attachments in the future. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and mistrust. Additionally, these individuals may experience intrusive thoughts about abandonment, which can make everyday tasks difficult. If you are someone who has experienced abandonment in your life, there is help available.
Signs of Abandonment Issues in Women
When most people think about abandonment issues, they typically think of men. However, women can also suffer from abandonment issues. And if you’re in a relationship with someone who suffers from these issues, it can be very difficult to understand or deal with them.
Abandonment issues are often seen in women who have experienced a lot of loss or instability in their lives. They may feel like they are not good enough for anyone to stay around, so they push people away. Here are some signs that a woman may be struggling with abandonment issues:
Fight Picking
One sign that a woman may have abandonment issues is if she picks fights with you constantly. Women with abandonment issues may feel a need to create drama and chaos in their lives as a way of deflecting attention away from their own fears and insecurities. This behavior can be very destructive to relationships, as it often leads to arguments and conflict.
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Anger Issues
Abandonment issues can plague both men and women, but for women, the consequences can be particularly devastating. For many women, abandonment represents a profound fear of being left alone and unprotected in a hostile world. The experience of being abandoned can trigger intense anger and rage, as well as feelings of grief, loss, and betrayal. Some women may end up directing this anger toward their partner, causing great harm to the relationship.
Self-Destructive Behaviors
Another sign that your partner may have abandonment issues is if she engages in self-destructive behaviors. When left unresolved, abandonment issues can lead to a slew of self-destructive behaviors in women. For some, this may manifest as a dependency on others for validation and love, which can leave them feeling constantly vulnerable and emotionally unstable. Others may engage in risky behaviors like promiscuity or substance abuse as a way to cope with the pain of being abandoned. And finally, some women may resort to self-harm or suicide in an attempt to reclaim control over their lives. If you or a loved one is struggling with unresolved abandonment issues, it’s important to seek professional help so that you can start to heal the underlying wounds.
Need For Excessive Control
Some women with abandonment issues may need excessive control in their lives to ward off feelings of abandonment. For some women, this may mean clinging tightly to a partner or spouse, while for others it may manifest as a need for constant approval and affirmation. These women may feel that they need to be in control of every situation in order to avoid being left alone or feeling rejected. This can lead to problems in relationships, as the woman may be overly controlling or clingy.
Fearful of Infidelity
Finally, another sign that your partner may have abandonment issues is if she’s constantly fearful of infidelity. This fear can be crippling and often leads to obsessive thoughts and behaviors. They may feel that if their partner strays, they will be left completely alone and unsupported. This fear may lead to obsessive thoughts about their partner’s fidelity and can cause them to act in ways that push their partner away.
Read more about the effects of childhood abandonment in adulthood.
Tips For Understanding A Woman With Abandonment Issues
When a woman has abandonment issues, she may feel like she is not good enough and that she is not worth keeping around. She may also have a fear of being left alone. Here are seven tips for understanding women with abandonment issues.
1. Establish Open Communication
When you’re interacting with a person that has abandonment issues, having secrets can become a huge problem. Those who worry about being abandoned typically find it difficult to trust others. If they don’t know how you feel, they can believe that you really want to leave them and end the relationship before you have a chance to hurt them (in their eyes).
So, it’s beneficial if you’re open and honest with your feelings. It will be possible for you to build a connection with her that is based on honesty rather than the insecurity that is afflicting her. It’s important to establish open communication from the start of the relationship.
2. Avoid Faulty Arguments
As a result of their many erroneous assumptions about their value and place in a relationship, a woman who fears abandonment may try to influence you during a heated debate or dispute.
A person with abandonment issues frequently needs assurance that they won’t be abandoned. They can try to steer the conversation so that you are always encouraging and consoling them. For instance, they might say, “I know that you don’t really love me,” or “I can sense that you feel sorry for me.”
They don’t intend to do this. They have developed this reaction over time. They won’t feel abandoned if they can depend on your ongoing engagement. The issue is that if you participate in these games, your partner will feel abandoned once again as soon as you stop.
I have found that by declaring up front that you’re willing to listen when your partner is ready to express how they truly feel, you can help set your partner at ease…at least a little. By doing this, you avoid having to prod them into speaking up all the time. However, even if you aren’t paying them close attention all the time, it still lets them know that they matter to you.
It’s also crucial to refrain from correcting your partner. Instead, acknowledge their feelings before attempting to persuade them to view things differently.
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3. Expect Them To Pull Away
One of the most difficult things to deal with while you are with a woman with abandonment issues is their inclination to ruin the relationship. A person with abandonment concerns is frequently intentionally damaging the connection because they are so frightened of being rejected.
Although they don’t really want to be alone, it’s preferable to be rejected for a valid reason than to be abandoned simply because they are unworthy. Their partner has a reason to leave if they behave badly or harm the relationship. If their partner leaves them, at least there is a good cause for it and it isn’t just a reflection of how valuable they are.
As a result, your partner can unintentionally distance themselves from you. They might try to start arguments. They will spare themselves the agony of being abandoned if they desert you first.
Be ready to prove your faithful intentions. You’ll need to repeatedly demonstrate to your partner that despite the fact that others have hurt them in the past, you won’t.
4. Avoid Pressuring Them
Trauma survivors can find it difficult to communicate honestly with others. Because of prior hurts, individuals might not feel secure being vulnerable in front of others. Your partner with abandonment issues should be made aware that you are available to talk to and open to listening.
But if they’re not ready, avoid pressuring them to divulge anything. They might withdraw if they feel too uneasy. Simply inquire as to what you may do to assist them.
5. It’s Not Your Job To Fix Them
It’s not your job to fix your partner’s struggles with abandonment. You could surely guarantee that you won’t abandon them. Though you never know what the future may bring, you don’t want to make commitments you can’t maintain.
You could also guarantee that you’ll always be open to listening to your partner’s difficulties or that they can always come to you with their issues. However, a person with abandonment issues thinks that everyone will abandon them eventually. However many promises you make, they might never believe you.
Making commitments could even alienate your partner and steer them away. There is more to lose when they have high expectations for a stable future. Your abandonment-prone partner may distance themselves from you in order to avoid becoming too close.
6. Don’t Blame Yourself
It’s important to remember not to blame yourself. Women who experience abandonment concerns may display hesitancy or jealousy. You can feel as though you are the cause of this. They might even attempt to accuse you directly.
However, nothing you did lead them to have these issues. They are adhering to behaviors that were created throughout their traumatic experiences. They are attempting to avoid being in that circumstance again as they recall what it was like to be mistreated.
People with abandonment issues frequently feel guilty about their behavior after they lose control or behave recklessly. When they are going through those strong feelings, that is a good chance to discuss it with them and reassure them that you are there for them.
You are not required to remain with a person who struggles with abandonment. But it helps to understand their perspective if you care about them and want to maintain the connection. Remind them of your feelings for them, but avoid spoiling or overprotecting them. You’ll demonstrate to them that they can do the same by establishing your own boundaries and leading your own life.
7. Don’t Be An Enabler
Enabling your spouse to engage in destructive behaviors, such as placing blame, manipulation, and isolation only serves to exacerbate their abandonment issues. It’s simpler for the other person to learn to respect yourself when you establish your own boundaries. It will be more challenging for your partner to cling to you out of codependency if you are independent and assertive about what you need from the relationship.
Trust me, this is one of those things that is easier to say than to do. It’s normal for you to want to soothe and console someone you care about. However, such continuous input feeds into their abandonment problems. They feel nice while competing for your attention, but when you go about your business alone, they fall apart, and the cycle is repeated.
You can ask for what you want without hurting your partner by standing your ground and being aware of what you want from the relationship. Additionally, it serves as an excellent example for your partner. They can pick up independence and learn how to create boundaries.
Online Therapy For Abandonment Issues
There are many ways to deal with abandonment issues. One of the best options is online therapy, which can help people understand their thoughts and feelings about abandonment. Therapy can also help people learn how to build healthy relationships and cope with difficult emotions.
Online therapy can help the woman in your life with abandonment issues to better process their past traumas and help to relieve their anxiety. Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), individual psychotherapy, EMDR, and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) are all effective. Couples counseling may be beneficial for teaching you how to communicate with your partner and for improving your understanding of one another.
Contact a therapist at BetterHelp if you or your partner is having abandonment difficulties of your own. You and your spouse can work through the difficulties of the past and take steps toward a happy and healthy future with the help of a skilled therapist from BetterHelp.
Conclusion
Understanding a woman with abandonment issues can be difficult. She may have suffered from depression or anxiety before the abandonment and may feel isolated and alone. In some cases, she may feel that abandoning her caused her to become what she describes as a “broken” person. However, it is important to try to empathize with the person suffering from them and offer support. Ultimately, if you are close to someone with abandonment issues, the best thing you can do is to be there for them and be patient as they work through their problems. Lastly, encourage them to seek the help of a qualified therapist.
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i spent 4 years of my life with someone who i still love dearly with abandonment issues.Every symtom that was described in this piece she exibited.She was a violent belligerent drunk on top of it,and just I didnt know how to deal with her.I left her and came back to her several times,all with the same outcome.She would constantly leave me unexpectedly and return at all hours of the morning and sometmes not until the next afternoon.I had absolutely no answers.Ultimately we needed to go our separate ways.It hurts badly still because i loved her so much.
Very sorry to hear of your experience, Jesse. I hope your future relationships are healthier and more fulfilling for you.