Updated: 03/20/2024
Even if you have never met before, sometimes it is unavoidable to compare yourself with the “other”. Somehow, you think, he must consider her “better”. This leads to you feeling worthless after being cheated on.
Abandonment is one of the most hurting and scary feelings. Even kids and dogs dread it as, for them, it makes the difference between life and death. Even in our adult lives, our fear of abandonment, of not being as important to our significant others as they are to us, can still activate our instincts for survival.
Words alone, as you know, are not enough. Your close friends might gush about all your positives, including your sense of fashion, your personality, or your good looks. However, all you want is the return of your lover’s affection. So, what can you do to recover from this and increase your self-confidence?
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How To Stop Feeling Worthless After Being Cheated On
It is common to feel disappointed and a drain on self-esteem caused by infidelity. You may go through stages of grief, self-blame, and various different emotions as you process a whirlwind of emotions. Follow these tips below if you want to quickly stop feeling worthless after being cheated on.
Start a Daily Routine of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is essentially showing compassion to yourself in cases when you are feeling inadequate or when you are suffering in general. According to Julie Schmidt, self-compassion is made up of three core components: mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity.
Mindfulness: Self-compassion demands a balanced approach to your negative emotions so they are not overemphasized or suppressed. Your negative feelings are approached with openness so you can become mindfully aware of them. Through mindfulness, an individual can observe their emotions and thoughts with an open-minded approach and without looking to oppose or suppress them. On the contrary, an individual practicing mindfulness should not “over-identify” with their feelings and emotions, including solely focusing and contemplating their negative feelings, so as to not suffer further mental damage.
Self-kindness: Self-compassion necessitates being kind and warm towards yourself during times of pain and suffering, instead of avoiding your negative emotions or criticizing them too harshly.
Common humanity: Self-compassion also includes acknowledging that failure and suffering are all part of being human.
There are different types of self-compassion exercises including introspective thinking, writing exercises, and role-playing. A good suggestion is to start a journal for self-compassion. This type of exercise requires you to focus on an aspect of yourself that you deem inadequate. Once you have identified this issue, write a letter addressed to you from an imaginary friend that loves you unconditionally. Ultimately, your focus should be on the comforting, reassuring, and compassionate feelings that you have produced for yourself.
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Repair and Repent
While in most cases people that were cheated on were unaware of their partner giving in to their desires, there are a few instances where they might have been more responsible for the deterioration of the relationship. If that sounds like you, try to focus on your fault in the matter. Maybe you were not interested in meeting your partner’s desires for a prolonged period. Perhaps you might be a frequent traveler and your partner had already expressed their need for attention. You may have already betrayed your partner and they were simply taking vengeance on you. While these are not acceptable justifications for betraying your partner, they can worsen an already damaged relationship. If you can acknowledge your fault in the matter, then you are already making progress.
Several people remain in denial about their fault in the collapse of their marriage and, thus, the process of healing cannot properly begin for them. While admitting your mistakes to yourself and your spouse does not justify the cheating, it can lay the foundation for acceptance and acknowledgment in your relationship.
Being straightforward can help reinforce your bond. Start by saying sorry to each other. Try to forgive each other. Do not try to find excuses for your behavior: simply say it as it is. Do not be afraid to express your strongest emotions like fear, pain, and anger, as well as your deepest insecurities. Promise to not betray each other in the future. Utilize this situation to reconstruct your relationship.
Consult a breakup therapist.
Learn To Control Your Thoughts
You keep remembering things from past events because they are in your mind at all times. Just like any other muscle, you can learn how to control your brain. When you are trying to condition a muscle, it can take a lot of discipline and time to reinforce it. Just think about how sore your muscles are the day after a long and hard workout. Let’s make the same effort as we do to our glutes to strengthen our mental resilience.
The real work starts when you decide to fight any thoughts of past events. As soon as a negative thought comes up, immediately replace it with a positive one. For example, you might recollect the moment you first found out about your partner’s betrayal. You can remember exactly the outfit you were wearing, the words he said to you, and the sharp pain in your chest that followed. Whenever you feel that emotion rising inside you, immediately replace that memory with one from your college graduation day or the day you finished your first marathon! Whenever your brain tries to take you to a bad place, snap out of it and escape to a time you felt complete and celebrated.
Find an infidelity therapist.
Prioritize Yourself First
Sometimes when you find yourself deep into anger, bitterness, and pain, one of your first instincts is to try and forgive your partner. This is wrong. You should make him one of your lowest priorities.
Have a long and thorough look at yourself right now. Do you feel worthy, gorgeous, and coveted? If this person has destroyed your self-esteem, then they should not be your priority. You should become your top priority.
You should aim to get into a mode of self-preservation. If you are not properly fixed, there’s no reason to try and fix your partner or your relationship. If you are certain that your partner is committed to your relationship, urge him to look for individual therapy. The biggest mistake couples make when they have had a cheating incident is immediately looking for couples counseling. It’s almost impossible to fix a damaged relationship between two damaged individuals! By attending individual sessions, you can produce more positive results. In the end, once they have both faced their personal issues, they can start mending their broken relationship.
Seek Professional Help
If you choose not to work with a Coach for your healing process, you should at least look for a trained professional with experience in relationship therapy and personal healing. While our friends can be amazing at listening to our problems and only want what’s best for us, they probably don’t have the necessary training to properly help you cope. If you’ve been cheated on by your partner, you might feel intense feelings of sadness, remorse, and lack of intimacy. A cheater is going to make you feel like your self-esteem is decimated, you will feel so worthless, and you might feel disappointed or betrayed and wonder if the feelings will ever go away.
If you find yourself in a crisis situation or can’t get over feeling worthless after being cheated on, do not hesitate to seek out a trained counselor. Their job is to make you feel like the best version of yourself! They can help you to rebuild and move forward. I recommend getting started at BetterHelp, which is the largest online platform for finding a licensed therapist. Getting started is easy and affordable. Click the button below and give them a try today.
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