Updated: 08/10/2026
Many people struggle with how to get over an abusive relationship. They are often left in a weakened state mentally, emotionally, and sometimes even physically.
Getting out of an abusive relationship can be tough for anyone. Also, the mental and physical effects of the abuse can sometimes be felt for a long time, even if you manage to escape from your abusive ex.
These include loss, depression, irritation, sorrow, as well as some PTSD symptoms like:
- Stress
- Feeling afraid easily
- Problems with your sleep
- Feeling emotional numbness
- Facing difficulties keeping new relationships
- Staying away from triggers that act as reminders
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Challenges With How To Get Over An Abusive Ex
Sometimes it can be tough to avoid thinking about memories from your previous relationship. From the happy moments and positive remarks that your ex said about you, to all of the times they tried to destroy your self-esteem and make you think you are not worthy of anything better. (They were definitely wrong about that).
It is rather common for people who escape abusive relationships to attempt to reconnect with their ex at least once. This can be detrimental to your confidence, filling you with uncertainty, and even making you think that your initial decision to leave was wrong. Remember that you had the courage to get out. Now, you need to channel that same inner strength into becoming a healthier and happier version of yourself.
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How Long Does It Take To Get Over An Abusive Relationship?
There isn’t a set amount of time for how long it takes to get over an abusive relationship. In my experience, the answer is really, “It will take as much time as it takes for you to repair the damage caused by the abusive ex and for you to love yourself again.” It can be difficult work. Challenging emotional work. But once you are on the other side, you will realize that it was worth it.
Steps For How To Get Over An Abusive Relationship
Many victims of abusive relationships have trouble sharing and processing their traumatic experiences and, instead, tend to bottle up their feelings and try to move on with their lives.
If you think you have experienced emotional trauma, you can take our adult emotional trauma quiz.
If you are struggling with how to get over an abusive relationship, try these healthy and appropriate steps to express and process trauma:
- Lend yourself time to mourn. Feeling pain and sorrow is standard when dealing with the loss of a relationship. It is important to not restrain these emotions but rather experience them and find creative ways to express them. These can include working out, writing, and creating different forms of art. These activities can also be beneficial in reminding you of all the things you are good at, thus enabling you to feel powerful and in control of your life.
- Redevelop your sense of security. You need to ensure that your ex won’t attempt to harm you any longer. This can be done by severing ties, getting a restraining order, or moving away. You also need to try to find ways to stabilize your life. For younger people, it may be as simple as returning to the routine of going to school. For older individuals, it might be a solid job and obtaining financial security.
- Get back to living your normal life. An abusive relationship can be so emotionally draining that you might have forgotten what it feels like to live a normal life. Your abusive ex might have even gone out of her way to separate you from your friends and loved ones and now that you need someone to talk to, you feel like no one can comprehend what you are dealing with.
- Find support and share your story. You need to be able to process your traumatic experience and triggers. To do that, you need a group of people who are considered “safe”. These people should be well-informed and firmly against abusive relationships. With their support, you can always have someone to talk to about your problems and emotions. Speaking with an online counselor is also an excellent idea.
Don’t feel alone! There’s always someone to help you with how to get over an abusive ex.
You Can Learn How To Get Over An Abusive Relationship And Feel Great!
Even if it might seem hard, now’s your chance to rebuild your life and focus on being happy. After all, you are not the one to blame for this and you deserve to feel joy and security.
Your trauma does not define you.
Through the process of healing, you will rediscover yourself and how potent and special you truly are. There might be some bad days, but with every day you leave your past behind, you gain back a part of yourself and, one day, all those parts will come together again.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Working with an online counselor can really help you to learn how to get over an abusive relationship. If you are in this situation, I recommend that you find a therapist on BetterHelp in order to get you on the path to feeling better sooner. There’s really no reason not to give it a try.
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